While I was caring for our girls (doggies) as they were preparing to transition from 2020 to 2022, I didn’t pay much attention to my body. The last 6 months of this period was intense, I barely slept and put all my needs aside and only focussed on Tessa, our oldest and last girl to transition. This meant that I didn’t listen to the messages my body was trying to send me.
Once both girls transitioned and after the initial grieving process, I started noticing that my body had been screaming at me, trying to get my attention. When we are in survival mode, we simply try to get through each moment and only do what we value as most important. I had valued holding space and caring for our fur kids more than I did myself and I most probably did since the moment they adopted us in 2008. There was lack of self-love. I didn’t recognise this before. Yes, I wanted to ensure that they were as comfortable as possible and transitioned in the way they wanted, because of all the beautiful gifts they had brought into my life. But there was a lack of self-love. Subconsciously I felt that I didn’t deserve to take care of myself or to put my needs first, especially while they needed my help.
The messages from my body started with extreme fatigue and dental issues. And later a whole lot of symptoms that came with candida overgrowth surfaced. Candida overgrowth is something that I had probably lived with all my life. I was a baby with cholic that never went away so I didn’t know anything else. I didn’t really know what a healthy gut felt like. Restoring my gut health started in 2013. And I did this with the limited knowledge I had access to. Once the candida overgrowth was confirmed in August 2022, I started a candida cleanse diet together with the homeopathic support of my doctor. It has been 18 months since and I’m healing and getting stronger. For this past month my diet has been even more limited than before, something new has surfaced. I believe my healing journey is taking a little longer because of a calling that I’ve ignored all my life. I am meant to be a healer and initially found it difficult to embrace that. I didn’t feel worthy of it. Now I see that I am simply a channel for benevolent beings to work through me. I simply need to be grounded, open and know that I am always safe and protected. I have an amazing spirit team that makes me feel safe to do this kind of work. My health concerns are linked to this. We are multidimensional beings and I believe that is why it is important to look at ourselves in a holistic way: mind, body, and spirit. We cannot treat our bodies in isolation. A book that has helped me with this is You Can Heal Your Life by Louise Hay. It’s been my go-to since 2013, helping to translate the messages from the body and with appropriate affirmations to assist the healing of the dis-ease, whether it is a cut on the finger or cancer. There is always a message. Whenever I don’t understand a message from my body, I check the list in her book, I trust myself and see what resonates with me. Sometimes we don’t realise it, but if we don’t deal with our emotions and trauma, we tend to store it in our body and if we don’t pay attention to the subtle messages, we can develop a dis-ease to get our attention. Our bodies are amazing vessels for our soul’s journey on this beautiful planet.
My journey of fully embodying my body and getting reacquainted with all aspects of me, especially the physical is absolutely, fascinating. I can see how it's helping me on my spiritual journey.
What has helped me to accept myself as a healer, is exploring the guidance I received. One: I pay attention the guidance from my ancestors and guides. Two: I trust myself. Three: I accept that I am a channel of light and healing. And four: I’m learning to love myself, all of me. The fourth one has been the most powerful and has created a major shift in all aspects of my life. I was guided to a book I felt called to purchase in 2014 (ten years ago). I started reading it back then, but I wasn’t ready for it and abandoned the book. It felt too intense and simply wasn’t the right time. Life Loves You by Robert Holden and Louise Hay has been extremely transformative, and I’ve noticed the world around me change as I changed. I’ve been actively working on loving and accepting myself, as I am, since 2013. But this book is super practical, with lots of exercises. I’ve been reading a lot more since the girls transitioned. Looking back, I can see how each book prepared me for this magickal book that led me back to self-love. Working through Life Loves You wasn’t easy at times, but I felt ready to truly start loving myself. Crying through some exercises as I forgave myself and others and starting to learn to love myself… truly love myself.
Some days are easier than others, but meditation, self-love practices from Life Love You, gratitude, energetic protection, grounding and being supported by my partner, family, guides, and spirit team has been what makes this journey so much easier.
Today is one of those not so easy days. I am emotional, my body is not doing so well, but with the support of my gut health specialist we are figuring things out and making progress. I’m listening to my body and taking things slow, being patient, resting, crying, knowing that life loves me, smiling and feeling the joy and peace that is always with me no matter what I’m going through.
I have such gratitude for all the love and support I have from my absolutely, amazing partner, Rivash, my loving family and friends, and the loving support from my gut specialist, osteopath, healer and teacher.
There is so much to be grateful for, we just need to pay attention. And as soon as we do, we see things to be grateful for everywhere and the world magickly changes in front of our eyes.
If I could, I would get everyone a copy of Life Loves You. To date it is the book that has created the biggest and quickest shift in my life. But I know that we all have different journeys, unique to our individual needs. What was meant for me might not be meant for others. However, if you feel drawn to this book, get it. It’s been life changing for me.
Life Loves You!
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