Today self-care takes on a whole new meaning for me. Yesterday, I had an appointment with my medical homeopath after she received my annual blood test results. In general, the results are better than they’ve ever been. However, my B12 levels are extremely low & so is my blood pressure, which explains the weakness, fatigue, brain fog, bloating, cravings, nausea & the dizzy spells.
Since around July/August last year I stopped doing online yoga. This meant I didn’t do any formal form of physical exercise. This is not normal for me, especially since yoga’s been part of my self-care routine for many years. Yes, I knew it had to do with what’s happening in the collective consciousness, but I took for granted the toll nursing my 17- & 18-year-old doggies took on me. Somehow caring for them had become the norm. Besides giving them the best dogfood & supplements I could get my hands on, I also cooked chicken & broth regularly to help with their sensitive tummy’s, and made kefir when they needed it. Then there was the fact that I needed to give them homeopathic remedies at least 4 times a day, more if needed, sometimes even throughout the night if they were struggling with something.
Both the girls ended up in hospital, a week apart. We prepared for the worse & told them in short that if they were ready to move on to do so, but they decided to come home & get better. Better than they’d been before. Bella had a few more emergency vet visits thereafter because of severe colic, due to eating weird stuff. Which meant I was permanently supervising & caring for her. Once she got better it also meant she needed more exercise. During the first few years with us they were used to running with me (every morning before or after work) & later as they got older it became walking for at least an hour a day. This is no longer possible; they simply can’t do that anymore. A 20 – 30 minute walk a day wasn’t good enough anymore, so now we are doing at least 2 walks a day, but if Bella needs more, I make a plan.
I felt like I was going to reach burn-out towards the end of last year & cut out some of the things I was doing & asked for help the best way I knew how. However, when the girls don’t feel well, they want me to be with them. I do not have kids, but I see more support systems around for parents and that makes logical sense. But sometimes I wish there was some sort of support system for fur parents caring for elderly or terminally ill animals. I have yet to come across one for fur parents. But maybe it is because of where I live. I’m not comparing parenthood to having fur babies. Also, I think I treat animals differently to most people. They are part of the family... they are our fur kids. We don't even go on holiday without them. If Rivash or I have to travel, we make sure that the other will be available for the girls. So, this is simply my experience and I’m being as truthful to myself as possible. At the moment, self-care is simply having breakfast a little earlier. I am the type of person that wakes up hungry, but since the doggies had become more dependent on me, I often ate at 09h30 if I was lucky. This for someone used to eating latest by 6am.
I know I signed up for this and there is a higher purpose for it all, but it is physically taking its toll on me. With the help of our medical homeopath & Rivash, plus making a few dietary adjustments I know I’ll feel better soon. I also know that I have gained so much during this time that I’ve been nursing my girls. However, I’ve been so busy taking care of them that I’ve forgotten to start letting go of them. I’ve been doing this sporadically over the last few years, but I feel I need to start allowing more time to do this. And writing this blog is one such way. I also know that the life/death polarity theme is in my soul blueprint & looking back I can see this theme throughout my life and how reminds me that everything is temporary. Also, my girls have given me so much. I simply want to make sure that they are as comfortable as possible until they are ready to let go of their physical bodies and transition.
Since Bella & Tessa entered my life, they showed me how to live in the moment & that’s what I’ve been doing. They’ve allowed me to open my heart again, something that I had "closed" up for many years trying to protect myself. They are the only beings I’ve ever allowed to get this close to me even though I’ve had many other fur babies before. The only other fur kid that was extremely close to me, was Rusty (my little fox terrier) & she left home when she was ready to transition, to do so under a bush somewhere else to make her passing a little easier on me. What an angel.
How could I not allow Bella & Tessa so close? It would have been a difficult battle. Their biggest gift is their cuteness & they know it 😊 They had chosen me to be their mum. For 12 going on 13 years they have been my companions, teachers and the most amazing healers. And I know that I spent a previous life with Tessa. It was an extremely tough one and she was with me every step of the way, while I, isolated from my family, was going through mass graves looking for my lost son. I am grateful that she chose to come back and help me through my darkest moments in this life. She has helped me to remember. And as I healed, so did she. On her first day at home, she was skin & bones, her hair was so thin and I could see her skin (similar to me at the time). She wanted to be picked up by only me & even that hurt her fragile body. Today she’s embraced who she is. She is healthy (for her age, but also healthier than when she 1st came home), confident, doesn’t allow her sis to bully her, playful, she’s gentle & kind, & oh my word… she’s the funniest & biggest clown & knows it. She simply loves being her. Bella on the other hand was so wild & feared humans at first. We couldn't even pick her up. We tried using groomers (really good ones) to groom our girls, but they came back in such a bad emotional state that I became a groomer, while finishing off my ethology studies. Both Rivash & I started studying ethology before we adopted the girls. We wanted to be prepared to adopt older doggies, ones that would struggle to find a home. We were on a mission to rescue 2 doggies & in the end they rescued us.
Our energy healer is also an animal whisperer & helped to be a translator for us. Something as simple as a new blankie made a world of difference to Tessa or taking the girls to the beach lifted Bella's mood. Our energy healer & the girls motivated me to study animal communication, which is really helpful with doggies that can’t hear or see well 😊 Bella on the other hand is Daddy's girl, loves cuddles, loves the beach & the diva & drama queen in the house, a bit demanding at times, but she knows how to use her cuteness to get anything she wants 😊
They’ve helped me to reconnect to my true essence in the gentlest way possible. I have always loved everyone, which many has confused with flirting in the past. Or assuming that I wanted something from them. One of the many reasons I closed my heart, or tried to. I see me in everyone & everyone in me, even when my heart was “closed”. Many people do not understand this. I have so much love to give and my girls have been part of my journey back to who I truly am. I am here to share this unconditional love with everyone I come in contact with or who come in contact with my artwork and I’ve realised that this is one of my gifts that I have to offer our world. I am extremely grateful to my girls for helping me along my journey. I love them and am extremely grateful for every precious moment I had with them & everyone I have left with them.
Have a beautiful day filled with miracles.
I love you!
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